How to Write the Perfect Greeting on a Dating App
This blog post is adapted from an audio transcript of EP 2419 - Writing the Perfect Dating App Greeting.
First impressions are everything. Your greeting, that first message, can either open the door to a great conversation or get you ignored entirely. Whether you're on Tinder, Bumble, or a married dating app like Ashley Madison, getting that opening message right is essential.
In today’s blog, I’ll show you how to craft a greeting that stands out and gets her to take the next step: reading your profile and, ideally, replying. We’ll cover the key elements of a strong message, why personalization matters, and real-life examples that you can use. Plus, I’ve included 20 actionable tips that will help you nail that opening message every time.
Let’s get started!
Start Strong: The Greeting
Let’s begin with the basics—your greeting. This is the icebreaker, the very first thing she sees from you. It’s the simplest part of the message but also the most critical because it sets the tone for everything that follows.
Start with something like:
"Hey there, Sarah!"
"Hi, Rebecca!"
"Hello, Jess!"
It’s that simple. Use her name or her profile handle—people love hearing (or in this case, reading) their own name. It makes the message feel personalized and shows you're paying attention to who she is. This small step makes a big difference because it helps create an instant connection.
Personalization is Key: Reference Her Profile
After your greeting, go straight into something that shows you’ve read her profile. This part of your message should address a key concern or interest that she’s mentioned.
This is crucial because women on dating apps get tons of generic messages like, "Hey, how's it going?" or "You’re cute." These messages don’t give her anything to respond to and don’t show that you’re interested in her as a person. Don’t be that guy.
Instead, take a detail from her bio or a photo and build your message around that. This shows her that you’ve taken the time to learn something about her before messaging. You’re showing interest in her specifically, not just anyone.
For example, let’s say she writes in her profile:
“Looking for someone who understands the importance of downtime.”
You can respond with:
"Hi Sarah, I totally get the need for downtime. Life’s been so hectic lately, and I could really use a fun, relaxing distraction too. What’s your favorite way to unwind?"
By mirroring her words, you’re showing empathy and that you relate to her situation. She’ll see that you’re on the same page—and that immediately sets you apart from the generic messages she’s used to getting.
This mirroring technique is subtle but powerful. It’s about making her feel understood and showing that you’ve connected with her message.
It’s an Art
Writing the message is an art. My messages usually get a 40% response and if you’ve been on a dating app you’ll know that’s good. If you want to cut out the middle man, download my Custom GPT and use that - you can download and use ChatGPT and my app for free!
Check it out here -
Ask an Engaging Question
Once you’ve referenced something from her profile, the next step is to ask an open-ended question. This encourages her to respond and keeps the conversation flowing.